


hate is not the opposite of love

by orphan_account



Category: NU'EST, Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Semi Slow Burn, Smut, Soulmates, jonghyun has a really minor role, maybe mutual pining just maybe, the rest are mentioned - Freeform, the smut is just at the beginning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-01-19
Packaged: 2019-03-06 19:20:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13417944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: an au wherein you have a wet dream of your soulmate on your 18th birthdayseongwoo insists he's straight as a ruler and minhyun tries not to mind





	hate is not the opposite of love

**Author's Note:**

> just to clarify: jaehwan and sungwoon are considered same age with 95line here
> 
> enjoy!

The warmth of the large palm spreads on Seongwoo’s back and it’s enough to make him shudder, and so much more when he feels plump lips pressing kisses on the shoulders peeking through his half-undone dress shirt. The way he was straddled on the other’s lap should have made his legs hurt and cause discomfort, but it wasn’t the case.

 

Frustration comes in almost too immediately and he squirms on the lap, whining in a pitch he never imagined himself to reach so he blushes but shows no shame. The other’s laugh was honey, Seongwoo thinks, and doesn’t miss the way his heart does a somersault at the eyes that stare back at his.

 

“Patience. I want to take it slow with you.”

 

The palm from his back now travels further down south, and what was once gentle became harsh as he feels his ass cheek getting groped. Unabashedly, he moans at the sensation because patience be damned, he’s turned on and needs skin against skin, not skin against two layers of goddamn denim jeans (and maybe one more layer if his partner wore briefs of boxers).

 

At this rate, he was panting like a dog, eyes halfway closed while he ruts against the fabric because his self-control finally came to dissolve when the palm slips inside his jeans (as to how his jeans button was loosened, he didn’t notice).

 

“Mmphh, hurry up!”

 

He demands while whining halfway and there’s the laugh again that turns his brain into fuzz and his limbs into jelly. The palm leaves the surface of his ass and he does an inaudible groan, pressing further just so his partner could feel how his jeans are already slightly damp with the precum.

 

“Say it nicely, kitten.”

 

Seongwoo tries to swallow down every ounce of shame in him. Normally he would rather just die or do anything stupid than submitting to anyone, most especially to a man. But his head isn’t functioning and he’s probably out of his head and he just wants to finally get fucked at the quickest moment possible that he pushes the internal conflict aside.

 

“P-please hurry up, Minhyun…”

 

 

\--

 

Cold sweat spreads over Seongwoo’s forehead as he sits up on the bed, blankly staring at the spread of posters on his wall, processing what has happened. It doesn’t help that he’s sporting a boner so stiff that it actually hurts a little. He curses the male anatomy, along with life in general.

 

He lifts the covers a bit and peeks through his shorts just to really check if he really did get a boner, and when reality was standing in front of him, he sees his world crumble into pieces.

 

His attention was directed to the desk calendar on his bedside table, yesterday’s date marked with a red X and the current date encircled with a birthday cake sticker on the bottom right corner and the number 18 written in bold red in blaring at him like a bright stoplight.

 

Sun rays start to peek through his window and for the first time in forever, he wakes up before his alarm, shutting it off at the first ring with a noise between a groan and a whine.

 

Of all the things, he was excited for his eighteenth birthday the most. He’s heard stories from his friends. Sungwoon, his senior from the poetry club, narrated about pounding his childhood friend to oblivion with a smug look on his face (as nobody believed that he could actually top). Jaehwan the chatterbox from one of his classes once talked about leaving hickeys on someone with an angelic face and when the angelic face who went by the name of Jeong Sewoon went in their class to leave instructions from their absent professor, Jaehwan was all red ears and decided to follow the professor’s son around whenever he could.

 

He wanted to dream of a hot steamy fantasy with a sexy female that he could freely jack off too in the morning, but never did he expect to dream of his seatmate in Japanese class. Not that Hwang Minhyun was a vile person; he’s smart, tidy, collected, and handsome, and not to mention the sweetest voice when he recites poetry. He would actually be willing to date Minhyun if and only if he’s a girl.

 

Ong Seongwoo is the epitome of straight so when he finds out his soulmate is the dashing boy in Japanese class, he doesn’t know what to do or how to face him.

 

“This is the worst birthday ever.” He grumbles to himself as he gets up and ready for class.

 

 

\--

 

The second semester has just started not too long ago but the amount of reading material he has been given for language and history classes are already giving him a headache. So far, his day isn’t going as well as he planned, which is a total bummer considering that it is his birthday.

 

He was unlucky to have Japanese as his first class, most especially when the first thing that greets him was Hwang MInhyun himself who opened the door from the other side. Seongwoo jolts awake and tries his hardest to fake a smile at least.

 

Minhyun smiles at him and the lines in his eyes reminds Seongwoo of the dream. More than anything, he’s thankful to have brought his messenger bag to school today because it perfectly covers the boner that appeared out of nowhere.

 

“Good morning, Seongwoo! I heard from your friends that it’s your birthday today. Happy birthday!” the other manages to say before heading out of the classroom. Frozen on the spot was Seongwoo, who couldn’t help but blush ( _of course I’d blush, I had a wet dream of him,_ he thinks to himself).

 

It doesn’t take long for his friends to spot him and call him over, and so he tries to look as casual as possible. If anything, he’s straight as a ruler and rulers don’t get bent when they’re wet, and he doesn’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t allow a single person to change that.

 

 

Besides, maybe it was just a random dream and that he really doesn’t have a soulmate, or his dream girl would show up to him later tonight when he sleeps.

 

\--

 

 

Subway was Seongwoo’s safe haven when he can have his alone time, as cafes for him are too cozy and the quiet atmosphere slowly eats away at his sanity. He prefers the scent of fried bacon and cheese with a hint of fresh lettuce, heated bread, and sight of people going as quick as they came.

 

He gets antsy with every step he takes to his usual spot no thanks to the unusually numerous customers and the delicious scent of his BLT. There were many pros on sitting at the table farthest from the counter, and maybe the only con about it was that it takes him longer than usual to eat. But nonetheless, he’s willing to make a few seconds of sacrifice for the sake of comfort.

 

“Oh, Seongwoo! I didn’t expect to see you here.”

 

When Seongwoo sees Minhyun, of all people, seated on his usual spot on a day that the place is jam-packed, he’s one step closer to declaring to the world that his thirteenth birthday is the worst.

 

 

\--

 

“Listen, just because I agreed to sit with you doesn’t mean I like you. Don’t get the wrong idea.”

 

After a full minute of awkward (for Seongwoo it was awkward) silence, he declares and Minhyun only laughs at him. He chews at his sandwich so that he wouldn’t be able to say anything more because he still values his ego. However, he suddenly thinks it’s a bad idea once he starts to actually choke on it.

 

“I don’t see what’s wrong with that. I mean, I’m quite a catch.”

 

Minhyun casually passes him the glass of water between them and Seongwoo drinks it without hesitation, eager to ease his throat and find the air back to his lungs. He doesn’t notice that his ears are the darkest shade of red they could be but he does feel a large patch of heat on his cheeks.

 

The laugh from the dream that haunts him turns to reality a time to many and he gets goosebumps at how the dream was so vivid and so accurate that the laugh really did have the same pitch and tone (and good thing he wore a sweater today to hide those goosebumps).

 

“Are you okay now?”

 

Genuine concern was all there is in Minhyun’s eyes and Seongwoo doesn’t know why he feels like he wants to puke. The silent yet smart kid from Japanese class may have already known that they’re soulmates and he decides to mess with his feelings now, of all times, because he knows it’s his birthday. The thought alone was enough to have anger starting to simmer inside Seongwoo, but a scene is the last thing he’d want to happen in his safe haven (he wouldn’t know what to do if he gets kicked out of Subway).

 

“Why yes, yes I am. It’s my first time seeing you here, did you get lost?” Seongwoo musters with every bit of sarcasm and civility he has inside him, managing to get through the sentence with gritted teeth while his cheeks threaten to stiffen because it actually hurts to smile.

 

“The McDonalds from across the street ran out of quarter pounder cheeseburgers, and the rest of their burgers don’t appeal to me, so I decided to try something new today.”

 

Seongwoo nods and decides to eat his BLT in silence. He is already itching to leave his spot and would feel bad for the customers who are waiting for vacant tables. He finishes in a flash and leaves Minhyun without a goodbye.

 

He doesn’t get to see the dejected look that Minhyun gives, staring at the back that gets smaller and smaller before finally exiting the fast food chain’s doors.

 

 

\--

 

“Hey Jonghyun…”

 

Seongwoo pokes at the said man, who was staring intently at his phone, fully immersed in the video game. A hum was all he could muster in reply, but Seongwoo didn’t mind.

 

“Your soulmate is a girl, right?” The other gave a small nod, fingers pressing onto the screen rather too quickly.

 

“How would you feel if it was a guy? Like, how would you react?”

 

There was tension in the air at the dragging silence. Jonghyun’s game character drained up its health points and does a small tsk before exiting the game screen. He then turns to Seongwoo who was looking at him expectantly.

 

“I haven’t really thought about it, but if it did happen, I would just accept it. I mean, if I got a guy soulmate then I guess I’m bound to like guys sooner or later.” His brows rose when he finally notices the disappointment painted on Seongwoo’s face.

 

“Sometimes I wish you could be an ass for once. You’re too nice.” He answers before Jonghyun could ask. The relief on Jonghyun’s face makes his heart feel a little lighter, just a little.

 

“So, I guess your soulmate’s a guy?”

 

“N-No! No definitely no! I was—I was asking for a friend, that’s all!”

 

Jonghyun lets Seongwoo win by not pointing out the change of pitch in his voice.

 

 

\--

 

 

“We’ll head off first. Turn off the lights and lock the doors once you’re done, okay?”

 

When the last of the troop were gone, Seongwoo plays the music again and does the routine once more regardless if his calves feel numb and his eyesight doubling. He knows he can be slow at getting the choreography sometimes and doesn’t want to drag the team down, most especially since it’s the third years’ last performance before they focus on studying on entrance exams.

 

Sweat coated his skin as he was done, thankful that the jersey under his shirt didn’t stick too much to his skin. It’s the first time in three months since he tried pushing away the soulmate fiasco out of his thoughts for a while. It does bother him and make his skin crawl thinking about just even holding hands with Hwang Minhyun.

 

 

_I would just accept it… I’m bound to like guys sooner or later…_

 

“No!”

 

He shakes his head and pulls his hair as he crouches down the studio. He wants it to be just a random dream, and wants to dream of his real soulmate tonight when he gets home. Seongwoo doesn’t, wouldn’t ever settle with a fellow male for a soulmate. He was firm and sure that he likes girls, even made out with a couple few at a point in his life and enjoyed it wholeheartedly.

 

Set in stone is Ong Seongwoo’s resolve that he will never ever ever ever settle with a male soulmate. Even if it’s Hwang Minhyun. _Especially if it’s Hwang Minhyun._

 

 

\--

“So, Seongwoo, when do we start with the final paper? I’m free for the rest of the weekend, what about you?” The latter beams and slightly bounces with excitement while Seongwoo tries his hardest to dismiss the bright smile, as well as the touch on his shoulder that makes his skin crawl.

 

“I’m free. Let’s— “He stops midway the reply when he remembers that there is this necessity of exchanging phone numbers, and he curses his fate. He spent months trying with all of his strength just to not cross paths with Minhyun again after the entire soulmate thing and now he practically has to spend more time than necessary with the said man for an entire month.

 

“What’s wrong?”

“Can we set a place ahead and meet there each week? I always forget to bring my phone.” ( _Minhyun calls bullshit because what kind of old geezer forgets their phone in this generation?_ )

 

“Don’t worry, I won’t give out your number to any girls. They’re gonna ask for mine anyway.”

 

The groan that leaves Seongwoo makes Minhyun smirk for a millisecond. None of them seem to want to lose in this silent battle and it amuses Minhyun to an extent, considering that they don’t really get a prize for winning, if ever having a winner can be possible.

 

“Look, I know you hate my guts but let’s be civil for at least a month for the sake of our grades. I have a scholarship to chase and I know you don’t want to repeat this year again because who does, so just cooperate with me.”

 

In the end, Seongwoo finds himself exchanging phones as they type each other’s digits. He doesn’t say anything because for once, Minhyun’s right. And he hates it.

 

 

\--

 

“You don’t drink?”

 

Minhyun scrunches his nose at the question, shoving the shot glass back at Seongwoo who takes the glass back and downs the liquor almost instantly. The former sticks his fork on a boneless fried chicken and munches on it while typing away with his other hand.

 

“Jonghyun made me try once. It tasted so horrible I puked after one sip. Never again.” The last two words were emphasized for dramatic effect and Seongwoo couldn’t help but roll his eyes as he fills the glass with soju and downs it once more.

 

“If every drop of consumable water gets depleted and, like the time of Jesus, our main source of liquid sustenance becomes alcohol, what would you do?”

 

“Let you drink all of it and marvel at your enhanced vocabulary when drunk.”

 

This time it’s only Minhyun who laughs, and when he turns to look at his finals output partner, he was met with the sight of Seongwoo chugging soju down from the bottle like it was water. He only sighs and looks at the dejected half-filled shot glass, feeling pity for the other.

 

He takes the bottle away and replaces it with his half-bitten chicken tender, to which Seongwoo munches on without any complaints.

 

 

It takes Seongwoo two sentences into their finals paper and one and a half bottle of soju before he passes out on the couch. With pursed lips, Minhyun glances at the sleeping figure and sighs. He takes his time to remember the way Seongwoo’s fringe hangs freely on his forehead, getting lost in the slope of Seongwoo’s eyelashes, tracing with his eyes the triangular constellation of moles spread on dusted pink cheeks, pale and chapped lips parting just slightly as he sleeps.

 

Thankfully there were sheets in sight, so Minhyun took a plain pale blue to drape over the other’s sleeping figure, careful not to be too rash to wake the other up (though it was impossible considering the amount of liquor intake). Somehow, Minhyun managed to finish the last few bits of their paper just three days before its deadline and the thought of it makes his heart sink.

 

The realization comes in once the laptop was shut down and Minhyun comes face to face with Seongwoo. Although the room was already dim, he doesn’t miss the way the other’s face depicts peace in his sleep. He doesn’t know how long he has been staring, but it was long enough for Seongwoo to stir half-awake. This surprises Minhyun, but he tries to look unfazed.

 

“Minhyun?”

 

It drives Minhyun crazy, the way his name rolls and unfolds on Seongwoo’s tongue combined with the raspy and sensual voice with throat raw from slumber. Minhyun only hums, trying to keep his resolve and self-control at bay but the way Seongwoo leans closer causes a short circuit in his brain.

 

Nobody expected Minhyun to kiss, and much more nobody expected Seongwoo to kiss back.

 

Maybe this time it was Minhyun who’s dreaming because the way Seongwoo’s lips felt against his was exactly just like he imagined it. The kiss wasn’t rash, it wasn’t too stiff either. It was more lazy with more lips and less tongue, mustering what they could manage with their half-asleep and sleep deprived states. Alcohol still does taste unpleasant but it was more bearable when it came from Seongwoo.

 

Before they knew it, the air was back in Minhyun’s lungs and only the ghost of the weight of Seongwoo’s lips remained. There was heat on his cheeks and the line between his emotions and intoxication was blurred, but he couldn’t care less. A smile unconsciously formed on his lips and he whispers a good night to Seongwoo before gathering his stuff and leaving when the other was asleep.

 

Along with him he brings the hope for Seongwoo to finally accept him and like him back.

 

 

\--

 

 

“Did you kiss me last night when I was asleep?!”

 

Never in his life did he imagine feeling this much rage at someone at his age. He was usually in control with his temper, but he recalls bits and pieces of memories from the night before but couldn’t distinguish if they were reality or a dream. He notices the way Minhyun cowers (though not obviously) with his hands gripping on the edge of his cushion, forgetting his half-eaten burger, and his conscience yanks him by the hair.

 

“Did you do it or not?” He asks once again, calmly this time.

 

“Why do you think I would do that? We’re both guys and you hate my guts.”

 

A small sigh was heaved from relief but he doesn’t notice the way Minhyun’s lips droop to an obvious frown. An anchor was dropped on his chest and the weight of the impact dropped to his stomach that he doesn’t find the appetite to finish his quarter pounder cheeseburger.

 

“Anyways you can delete my number now. We’re not gonna see each other again after this, right? You’re not gonna need it.”

 

Despite the multitude of questions in his head, Minhyun just nods and goes through his phone, showing to Seongwoo that he has indeed deleted the number. It was useless anyway, holding onto something that wouldn’t even be of use to him.

 

“Thanks for your hard work. We got the highest score.”

 

And Seongwoo felt like an ass once he sees the way Minhyun’s smile doesn’t reach his cheeks anymore, but mentally pinches himself because when did he even notice those kinds of habits from Minhyun? Little does he know that the thought of memorizing Minhyun’s gestures and habits doesn’t make his skin crawl as much as it did before.

 

“Anyway, I gotta go to class now. See you around, I guess?”

 

 

Just like that, Minhyun could only stare at Seongwoo’s disappearing back.

 

 

\--

 

 

“Kids! Let’s take a picture!”

 

Jonghyun’s voice caught their attention and soon they flocked around him like sheep to their shepherd. On a spot, just near the graduation stage they stood to take a picture, not missing the way Jonghyun’s fingers intertwined with his soulmate. Seongwoo only notices who was beside him when he caught a whiff of the familiar scent. Minhyun’s smile was divine and since the first day it gave Seongwoo sensations he couldn’t manage to describe.

 

But Minhyun doesn’t spare him a glance and converses with the others from the poetry club who were saying their goodbyes and “I’ll miss you ”s. He brings his attention to the camera and muster the brightest smile he could. It would be his last after all. They give each other their hugs (with a few shedding tears) before dispersing to head back to their families.

 

Unfortunately, Seongwoo’s parents were only around for the formalities and had to head back home to prepare whatever feast they had readied for him, so he decides to take a small stroll around the campus for the last time. His feet somehow took him to the room where they held Japanese classes, and he finds a couple of flowers on his desk, buried underneath it a neat cream-colored envelope.

 

_It’s probably a farewell card from Professor Yoon_ , he thinks as he picks it up. It only had the name of the addressee written in simplistic yet fitting word art.

 

_“To Ong Seongwoo,_

_After all of us leave,_   
_if my spirit passes by you,_   
_don’t think even for a moment it is_   
_the wind that sways the spring boughs._   
_Today I will plant a flower_   
_on a corner of the shadow_   
_where I got to know you;_   
_when the flower grows to bloom,_   
_all the distress that stemmed from our acquaintance_   
_will turn into petals and fly away_

_We have probably graduated and parted ways by the time you receive this. I had to write and rewrite this for ten, a hundred, thousand times just to find the right words to get to you, revising once more as we get to know each other more every single day that passes. On a starting note, I would like to apologize for a lot of things. I’m sorry that I couldn’t give you the very thing you want. I know you don’t prefer men, and yet it surprised me as well to find out that you are indeed my soulmate. I would like to apologize for that too, for pretending not to know when I found out ahead. In all honesty, when it was your birthday I really did expect that you’d know and then I’d figure out a plan for us, but I saw how you felt disappointed and disgusted, so I took a few steps back only to test the waters once in a while. I apologize for lying about that night as well. But it was partially the truth. You kissed me in your unconscious state and I know it was wrong of me to stay longer, but my heart was weakened._

 

At this point, Seongwoo was at a loss for words, and an entire mixture of emotions. It was overwhelming, the truth, and it wanted to make him vomit, but his attention was focused on the letter, making sure to digest every single word.

 

                _I’m also thankful that you’re the one. I was relieved that it wasn’t a murderer, I was relieved that my soulmate wasn’t in another part of the world, and I was so much more relieved that it was a person like you. I don’t regret meeting you and it sounds selfish but if I were given another chance, I would really like to meet you once more._

_If you’ve read up until this point, thank you. I’m probably heading off to a plane to Japan right now because of the scholarship, and you talked about studying in Incheon for college so I guess we won’t be seeing each other for a long while. I hope to dream of you (not in that way of course) and meet you often in my dreams. I love you, a whole lot, I just want you to know._

_I hope and pray that life would be kind to you and to us. Who knows, maybe being soulmates is just a label, and I don’t mind that. If you plan on starting a family and have children and get married to someone in the future, I won’t hold it against you. Your happiness is my happiness too. Just don’t forget to invite me to the wedding._

_This isn’t a goodbye, but a ‘til we meet again’._

_Your Soulmate,_

_Hwang Minhyun_

The world stood still for a few moments, but time didn’t, and soon students were entering the classroom one after another to grab hold of their possessions. Seongwoo doesn’t even notice the way he gets congratulated at and teased for having another admirer with handwriting probably as beautiful as the sender’s face.

 

“Til we meet again.” Seongwoo says to nobody in particular and tucks the letter back in his pocket.

 

He has to get home. His family is waiting for him.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading up until here! ^^ please feel free to leave a kudos and/or a comment if you feel like screaming at my face


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